update

*Just to note* -- cut off all hair on 4/09/2010.

Been feeling like my relationship has hit a serious wall. In the time we've lived together, my boyfriend and I grew too comfortable with each other. Further, little annoyances that I would've once been able to brush off have ended up becoming problems that have actually threatened our relationship. I kicked him out the other day after another little fight about him not respecting my wishes while using my laptop, and that ended up into a serious fight the next morning about staying in the relationship.

I told him that I needed space, especially since finals were quickly approaching, and he took that to mean I wanted to break up with him for three weeks (which is absurd).

Our dilemma drove me to start looking up intimacy problems on the internet. Lame, yes. I already know that the internet is not an incredibly viable source of information when it comes to relationships, but I did learn a few things that I didn't know before.

What intimacy means to me is not what intimacy means to my boyfriend, and this has become apparent in the months we've lived together.

To me, intimacy is closeness is heart, then body. I want a boyfriend I can talk to, someone who'll laugh with me, offer support when I need it, really, just be there when I really need someone. I want that person to make me feel beautiful, to forgive my lack of personality, to be able to argue with me peaceably. I want someone who I can also offer those things to. The closer I feel to that person, the more I'd wanna be with that person.

To him, intimacy is closeness in body, then heart -- or at least that's what the internet has been telling me. Physical intimacy alone is not enough, but has a different meaning to men than to women. There's never really been a time where I've been ready for sex and he wasn't, whereas there have been plenty of times where I've refused him. According to the internet, this is like "a slap to the face." And here's the dilemma. The more I refuse him, the less he tries to romance me. And the less he romances me, the more I want to refuse him.

So. How does one go about telling an immature boyfriend about these things? Or rather, do I need to change myself first?

..I think I'll do that.